I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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