I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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