The maid of honor just puked.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
