It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
