You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize