Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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