This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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