Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
