I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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