discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
