The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
