Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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