Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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