these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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