There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
