Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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