Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
