i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
