I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
