i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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