you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
