we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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