I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
