I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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