Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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