Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
