Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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