Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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