you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
