I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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