I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Welp...herpes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
