apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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