Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize