first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
