So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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