i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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