I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
