He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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