my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
