I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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