Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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