That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
