i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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