he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
