I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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