we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
