Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
