I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
