You just made me feel so damn special
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
