piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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