I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
