i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
