you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
