did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
