when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were trust falling into bushes
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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