I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
