Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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