he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
