I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
