Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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