Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
