It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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