just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
