Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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