I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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