Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
